i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
