You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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