i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize