why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
