i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
