Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
