did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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