I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
