I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
