Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
