I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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