; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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