how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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