I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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