how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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