she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
