You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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