God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize