the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
