I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
