If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
