from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
