coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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