Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
