I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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