My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
