wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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