my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
