who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
