We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
