mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
