wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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