im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
