I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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