I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
