A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
