I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
