Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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