Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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