I feel like I'm in dance class right now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
