I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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