vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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