You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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