Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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