the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
