Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize