did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
