I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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