her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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