M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
