Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
