Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
