could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
