Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
