I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
