oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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