it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
