she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Houston, we have a blender
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
