Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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