my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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