So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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