So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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