Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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