totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
