I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
