Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
