I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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