Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
