too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
