we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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