you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
