my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
