Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
