Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
