Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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