Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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