so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
